Advice # 1 from someone who might not know anything

AFunnyItHave you ever been introduced to someone, and not but ten seconds later, you can’t recall his name? How can you recover? Well first of all, never say, “I’m sorry, what was your name again?” It sounds as if you hadn’t cared in the first place. At least throw a name back at the person, if God’s on your side, you might get it right. If you’re close enough, like “Tim” and “Jim,” you can say that’s what you said when the person corrects you, so that he’s the one who appears wrong and not you. Or if worse comes to worse and you are completely off, you could still feign a hearing loss, and if you don’t want to be stuck with that crutch to bear, due to the duration in which you might see him again, at the next contact say that the ear infection you had had has cleared up … but of course only say this if you can actually remember his name at this later moment … or else go on with the ploy.

Another tactic, which might come in handy, is a sweet line like this: “So what does your given name mean?” When he says, “You mean Bob? I don’t know.” you’ve got him. It not only covers your behind, but has him thinking that his ordinary name might actually carry some substance with it … and that might even make him feel better about himself, who knows? Of course if he says, “Ugarius?” you’ve hit a homerun and faked successfully a fuller interest in this person who you couldn’t even remember who he was.

Another means of saving yourself, is to grab someone, whose name you do know, and invite them into the conversation, and just when it is appropriate to introduce them to one another, shove a thick piece of food into your mouth and pretend you’re having a hard time swallowing it. This is wisely followed up by making some hand gestures to suggest they should proceed with the formalities of introduction while you choke. If successful, you may not only procure the name and appear somewhat courteous, but in the same attempt also gain sympathy for your asphyxiating plight.

Yet another means could be the proposal of a word game. “Why don’t we see how many fruit we can name that start with the first letter of your name? You go first.” When that’s been accomplished, “Now let’s think of a city which starts with the second letter of your name. You go first.” Continue on this route until you’re certain you have a grasp of what the name is, and of course when you do, be quick to say, “I just love word games. Don’t you, Bob?” if that is indeed the name you’ve found out … if not, replace it with the appropriate one.

Now remember it’s always best to capitalize on the successful recoup of the name, so that the person will never suspect that you’d ever forgotten it. Once you have it, use it like a period at the end of every sentence. “I really like the food they’re serving, Bob. Do you think it’s going to snow today, Bob? Angela, this is my friend Bob … Bob. Bob, this is Angela … Bob.” Trust me, it’s like the birds eating that path of breadcrumbs, he’ll never know where you’ve strayed.

Note the slanted definition of Advice: Something posted that’s probably not good for you.

Roger McManus

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