First they were told by the surgeon general that sitting upright while eating would decrease their lifespan due to the food pounding on their stomach from a vertical drop. So the people began to lie crooked and hunched over, reclining as they ate.
Then they were told life expectancy would be shortened due to poor posture. So the people had to sit upright again, but in regards to the previous warning, could not eat anything heavier than a wheat puff, or denser than cotton candy to save their stomachs.
And so, life went on with continual warnings like such: dye your hair, don’t dye your hair, get some sun, don’t get some sun, eat this, but don’t eat that, and the people’s endless alterations that went with them … and so it continued and so much so, that it was of no surprise when the people were told that “sugar will kill them,” that this announcement was welcomed with a sigh of relief … for the only thing that the people truly didn’t want to hear and had expected … was the inevitable … checkmate.
Of course there were some who never turned on the radio to hear these announcements, and some of them have passed on, maybe because of it … but some are still ripe … even … at their ancient ages.