What is it with food in the house? I’m not talking about your cereal or eggs for breakfast, or your sandwich lunch, or even your chicken and potatoes for dinner. I’m talking about everything else in between that’s never seen a green leaf … but has been in cahoots if not in bed with at least one number-coded color. I’m talking snacks. Derogatorily referred to as junk food by some, and wooed over like a star-crossed lover by others, and, note: these “others” are not totally exclusive from the previously mentioned “some” … and don’t deny it. We may know it’s junk … but we love it.

I try to eat right. I do. But do snacks talk to you? I mean I think they have to. Or else, why are we drawn to them like an addiction? Now I say this, because if I don’t have it in the house … I really don’t miss it. But if it’s there … I’ve got to have it … or I have a hard time telling myself I don’t … but … am I telling myself? That’s the question.

What exactly does processed mean? You might have your mind blown by this, but the most technologically advanced industry is not computers … it’s food. The food industry makes all others look stupid. Let me place a bug in your ear … “Nanotechnology.” You thought I was going to say, “G.M.O.” Didn’t you? Genetically Modified Organisms … well I’ll leave that one on the back burner, because this is far more detrimental. How can I put it simply? There are Nanobots in our food, to be more precise, in our junk food. There’s heavy competition between what should be eaten, and what are edible but should not be, and those responsible for the “nots” have taken it personally. I mean wouldn’t you if you were called junk, or whatever you made was called junk? In a sort of revenge, the greatest geniuses have been paid well by this seedy conglomerate to produce these nanobugs which have been previously only assigned to cigarettes.

Little robots on an atomic level, talking to one another, have invaded our bodies. Like a whistle only a dog can hear, because of its pitch, these minute mechanical demons talk to us on a subconscious level. They’ve remotely hacked into out brain. If you’ve got them in the cabinet, they’re constantly bombarding you with messages such as “Eat me” and “You want me” and “You can’t live without me.” (These little buggers have also shown up in pieces of art … but only those classified as modern).That’s why when they’re not in the house, we are less compelled to desire them. But that’s not to say that there isn’t a smidgeon of desire for something not there. We do have it. It’s just far worse when they are there. But that smidgeon of desire that is there when there is nothing in the cupboard, why is it there? It’s there, because whatever it is that you want … you’ve had it before. You’ve been corrupted. They’ve opened a shop inside you. You eat a corn chip, a chocolate bar, a marshmallow treat, and they’re inside. They’ve already hooked up their little radar systems, doing their behind-enemy-lines communications with their partners in crime on the shelves.

What? You’re saying this is all bunk?

How about this? Nanobots left too long outside a living organism tend to overheat. The reason why food goes stale and gets hard is because the nanobots have taken the liquid from it for their little radiators.

Of further note, a sure sign of a leaky nanobot’s battery is mold and fungus. That piece of something or other left too long, you know what I mean. You’d have eaten it already if the nanobot hadn’t been faulty … leaky battery equals mold and fungus. … Huh?

I know; it fits like a glove and makes horrible sense. And what about this? When you have a migraine, do you feel like eating? … No, you don’t. And why not?  … Static, that’s why. Their signals are disrupted and can’t get through. I could go into further detail, but do we have the time? What to do?

Well don’t wait 45 minutes after eating to go swimming. Those who told you that are in on it. The nanobots have to adapt to the pressure inside you first. If you add the water pressure around you quickly enough, they just can’t compensate completely in such short a time for both. They’ll implode. This is usually expressed in two forms of air release.

What? Do I have to paint a picture for you or do you like a potty mouth?

Chew well, and oh yes … eat lots of fiber … fiber optics that is. This gets back to genetically modified organisms … otherwise known as organics. You say, “No, they’re different.” It’s been a long process, but tell a lie long enough and it becomes the truth, or what they want you to believe.

Listen. Organics are loaded with fiber optics to clean out your system. In other words, by eating your vegetables you’ve put out a contract on the head of every nanobot inside you. Sure signs of your involvement in this take down are the previously mentioned two forms of air release. … Okay?

I know it sounds terrible, but there is a lesser of these two evils, the organics at least haven’t devised an instrument to brainwash you like the junksters. And how can I be sure of that you ask. Well … no one is getting fat on lima beans … nuff said.

Now, without question it’s a mouthful … but good health is a war. Believe me. Anyone who wants it knows it. So from here on out, I’m wishing you good luck … and remember … chew well.

Roger McManus