The file on the great Chicago fire of 1871 was declassified, to startled foreign relations. Mrs. O’Leary’s cow, who had started the fire, was KGB. An affidavit from Mrs. O’Leary claimed that she could never produce a good American cheese from the cow’s milk … and of further note … the cow was unmistakably nimble with the farm’s sickle and hammer and could be heard mooing, during the holidays, The Nutcracker.

Roger McManus